Beware of God

by Shalom Auslander

These short stories are shockingly funny. I laughed out loud at many of them. Be prepared for lewd, crude delivery and an entirely irreverent approach to orthodox Jewish customs and practice. Go with the flow for a glimpse of a very quirky world and some hysterically funny ideas.


And behold God spoke to Schwartzman late Tuesday evening, right in the middle of Leno’s monologue, saying, 'Make for yourself an ark, for you and for your entire family, for I have found you righteous in your generation.'
'Now?' asked Schwartzman. He had to be kidding. It was 11:50 pm on a week night - Schwartzman had an 8:30 with a client the next morning, a 9:30 breakfast with the head of his department and a shrink appointment with Dr. Herschberg at 11:00 which meant he'd have to catch the 6:00 am to Grand Central at the latest.
'It’s almost midnight.'
'Shh!' spat Mrs. Schwartzman.
Mrs. Schwartzman liked Jay Leno a lot more than she liked God.


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