'Don't go too far' I carolled, following, but when I got downstairs she was already out of sight, she should have listened, I gave clear instructions. I saw her through the hinges of the sitting-room door, flattened on the wall, outlined against the sofa, and I saw the expression of such terror on her face that I came in after her, my hands spread wide, trying to show her I was Mon the Innocent, Mon the Harmless, Mon the Kind, but I know my hands are unnaturally large and she screamed, 'Don't touch me, I'm calling the police,' and in a split second her phone was in her hand and of course I had no option but to throw myself at her and crush her fingers until she dropped it. I then disposed of it down the toilet, taking her with me, forcibly, arm in arm as if we were friends, and ignoring the fact she was making a fuss.