[...] I had no one to talk to, no one I could share my thoughts with, no one who would understand me. I was in a situationship with the person I thought loved me, I was a traitor to the parents who'd trusted me, I was a disappointment to an uncle who'd gifted me the privilege of being open by coming out himself, I was a black sheep of the school for not wanting the things everyone else wanted. I was too vanilla for my futurist partner, too blasphemous for my conscientious teachers, too adult for my juvenile friends. I was neither this nor that, neither here nor there, never enough, yet never me.

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to be touched, embraced, pawed at, even groped, by as many bodies as possible. My fingers swiped up my phone and went on the app, browsed, typed, booked an Uber, and then my legs carried me out of the house, my butt sat in a car seat, my body took the lift to the flat where there was a gang-bang in progress, my hands took my clothes off, my lips kissed other lips, my chest and feet and arms wrapped around whoever was in front of me, couldn't tell what was mine and what wasn't, I melded into the melange of human parts. And when my eyes looked across the room in the floor-to-ceiling mirror, my face wouldn't even look back.