Me by Garrison Keillor

Me

Garrison Keillor

Jimmy (Big Boy) Valente, wrestler and Vietnam hero relates his rise to wealth, fame and state governorship. Hilarious and weird!

Extract

You can get overconfident in a tank, though. You sit there at the controls feeling impregnable and you forget there are Walruses in the world who know how to operate a can opener. I waited for the T-54 to roll abreast of me and stop and I set a charge in his treads and pressed the magic twanger and ducked and tank rose as if on a hydraulic lift and when he came down he had the mobility of a dog turd. One moment a deadly tool of destruction and the next, a lawn mower.