Why did I decide to kill my mother? The reasons are quite simple. When you're young you think other people can help you. Parents if you have any. Friends. Teachers. Doctors. Drink, tablets, counselling. Maybe they do help some people. But actually the fix is to know what you want to do and do it. Being unhappy, asking advice, trying to escape, analysing it; none of that progresses you. To progress you need to lift up your foot and take a step. I thought, I want to kill my mother. And I will.